About Painting, Babies, and Endangered Leatherback Turtles

     Our third baby, Elias Sterling Johnson was born July 8 in Montana. He is completely perfect and I can hardly stand to not be holding him, so he's spending a lot of time strapped to my back or front. He seems happy with the arrangement, too. I just want to take a minute to write some of my feelings about being a mom.

     I'm sure you've seen the evidence, like I have, that our society is no longer as interested in parenting as it used to be. Parenting isn't cheap, or convenient. It's not always a picnic and it's a steep education without an explicitly detailed textbook. So why do it? Or at least, why not keep it minimal?

      I believe it's a major part of the reason I'm alive. As in, I believe God gave me life, in large part because he wanted and expected me to have children.  I believe He expects me to teach them about Him, to teach them His laws and commandments, which are a direct road map to the fullest and most rewarding kinds of joy, happiness, pleasure, and love a person can experience in this life and the next.

   
      In a different vein, Painting is VERY important to me. I dream about it at night, wake up determined to fix yesterday's mistakes, and drool over the paintings other people post that are full of beautiful elements and things I want to try. After I've been painting for a while and really get focused, the thoughts about where to do what next come so fast it takes my whole brain to keep up. Maybe like a video game where you're trying to dodge some things and catch others. (I don't know- I don't play video games).  At some point, though, it goes beyond that to a level, a "high" that a video game could never have. At this point the hair stands up on the back of my neck as the sensation of complete peace settles over me. My mind blocks out all sound, and I feel like I'm actually in the painting. I know that sounds trite, but if you can create an illusion so lifelike that you start to believe it yourself, then when you use your brush to round the corner of a rock, it might as well have been a grinder that did it. Or as you adjust the value of the corner of an eye, you feel the need to be gentle and careful so it doesn't hurt.

     When it's finished, even though it's only an illusion, you still get a taste of the same kind of satisfaction, I think, that you might have if you'd created the actual object. And I believe the reason creating is satisfying and fulfilling to me, or anyone, is that our spirits, our souls, are actually the children of God, the Creator. It's a trait we've inherited from Him, so in our natures to want to create things that didn't exist before, whether they're purely artistic, or purely functional, or a combination of both. So the point of this tangent is that the desire to create never leaves me alone, and a bit of successful painting time gives me peace, energy, and satisfaction that I think spills over into my parenting efforts. (I'm soooo grateful for a generous, understanding husband who is also a great dad and helps make that time possible!)

     So some people might ask, " What if the purpose of your life is to be a painter, or a runner, or a whatever, but not a parent?" I realize that some people are unable to have kids... right now...in this life. And I'm sorry for them. But I believe that everything God created on this earth was and is for the sole purpose of helping His children learn to emulate Him and thereby achieve a divine level of happiness. Everything else was created for us. Not the other way around. As cool as the spotted owl and the leatherback turtle are, their existence is not more important than human life. Please don't think I don't care about animals. If I ever hit a bird on the highway I have to stop and bury the poor thing and pray he'll be happy flying around with his friends in the spirit world. But I think people are confused about how important human life is, in relation to everything else. I recently saw a picture on facebook of a dog. The caption read something like, " In a life or death situation, would you give your last meal to your dog?" I readily admit that though I'd be sad about it, the meal in that situation would probably be my dog. And I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt about it, because of my understanding of my relationship to God, and my dog's relationship to me. And what does this have to do with painting? Okay, so there's a hierarchy here. The Creator is at the top. Then His children- humankind. Then the animals. Then other life forms (trees and other plants). Then rocks and water, etc. I paint on wood panels with hogs hair bristle brushes and paint made out of crushed rocks. So my paintings are going to fit somewhere into the last three categories. I hope they will take on more value by providing some kind of positive emotion or thought to the people who look at them, but there again, they exist only to benefit and compliment human lives. So what could be more important for any of us to do than participate in the creation and development of a human life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!

     I'm so grateful for the opportunity I have to be an artist, and am happy that for me, painting is such a helpful complement to my real purpose in life.